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I have been thinking a lot more about the meaning of BDSM and true submission and domination.
These are purely my views on the subject.
SUBMISSION
There is a lot more to submitting than just enjoying pain and debasement. There is the true pleasure in giving another person the trust to not harm you any more than you can stand, to give you pleasure through the pain. The level of trust and honesty and humility is more intense than most happy, mundane couples will ever come to know. Being willing to please one person in so many ways is a true pleasure for a submissive. To be willing to do almost anything, to give that much of yourself to one person. That is a true pleasure. One thing I have always accepted is that I truly enjoy giving pleasure. That was possibly a step in the direction of knowing how to be a submissive. Seeing the look of pleasure in a partner's eyes is something I have always sought. More than receiving my own pleasure, in fact. The pain is just a secondary point. A bonus. I won't lie, the book Fifty Shades of Grey has opened my eyes so much. The submissive will do things for his or her dominant that they would not normally do, simply because they want to see the dominant happy. Being taught to be more disciplined is also a bonus. Especially for someone who is so easily distracted. A submissive may enjoy pain to an extent, but does not want the extreme pain of a proper punishment. Because of this, they learn to change how they act to avoid the punishments. Some people may see this as an abusive measure, but to a submissive it is a means to an end. Truly being able to learn to please their Master or Mistress is the ultimate goal. If this means taking the pain, they will gladly bear the burden to see the pleasure on their dominant's face. The submissive may also crave romance and soft treatment as well. If they are a good little slave, they will usually receive just that. It is a punish and nurture relationship. Although, I could be wrong for some. Not all slaves think about things the same way I do.
DOMINANCE
A Master or Mistress enjoys having control and testing the limits. They want to see what their slave is willing to do to please them. They also want to truly enlighten the submissive in different types of pleasure. They don't always want to harm or hurt their submissive, but nurture them as well. Taking care of them is the overall goal. A lot of Mistresses and Masters enjoy the control they have, sometimes to the point of being possessive. There is a level of control the dominant person must have over themselves as well, so they don't harm their submissive emotionally, physically or psychologically. They want to teach and care for them, not disable them. They want to hear what the submissive likes and dislikes just as much as they want to show the submissive what they like and dislike. It is a truly give and take relationship. There may or may not be psychological issues behind the pleasure of creative pleasurable pain. Also, there is a very romantic side to most dominant people. Pain and restraint is not always the way they show their unique kind of affections.
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This type of relationship can get quite intense, from both sides. There is the occasional obsessions that can occur from either side. This is something that has to be watched carefully. If the emotional connection becomes more than the other person wants, it can easily turn negative. If the submissive becomes entranced with the dominant, this can truly push the dominant away or make them unusually aggressive in some cases. If the dominant becomes obsessed with the submissive, they can possibly become too aggressive as well. This is another reason why communication is key between the two parties. Being completely honest about all of the feelings involved is key, just like in any good relationship. It is even more crucial to the success of a dominant/slave relationship.
These are purely my views on the subject.
SUBMISSION
There is a lot more to submitting than just enjoying pain and debasement. There is the true pleasure in giving another person the trust to not harm you any more than you can stand, to give you pleasure through the pain. The level of trust and honesty and humility is more intense than most happy, mundane couples will ever come to know. Being willing to please one person in so many ways is a true pleasure for a submissive. To be willing to do almost anything, to give that much of yourself to one person. That is a true pleasure. One thing I have always accepted is that I truly enjoy giving pleasure. That was possibly a step in the direction of knowing how to be a submissive. Seeing the look of pleasure in a partner's eyes is something I have always sought. More than receiving my own pleasure, in fact. The pain is just a secondary point. A bonus. I won't lie, the book Fifty Shades of Grey has opened my eyes so much. The submissive will do things for his or her dominant that they would not normally do, simply because they want to see the dominant happy. Being taught to be more disciplined is also a bonus. Especially for someone who is so easily distracted. A submissive may enjoy pain to an extent, but does not want the extreme pain of a proper punishment. Because of this, they learn to change how they act to avoid the punishments. Some people may see this as an abusive measure, but to a submissive it is a means to an end. Truly being able to learn to please their Master or Mistress is the ultimate goal. If this means taking the pain, they will gladly bear the burden to see the pleasure on their dominant's face. The submissive may also crave romance and soft treatment as well. If they are a good little slave, they will usually receive just that. It is a punish and nurture relationship. Although, I could be wrong for some. Not all slaves think about things the same way I do.
DOMINANCE
A Master or Mistress enjoys having control and testing the limits. They want to see what their slave is willing to do to please them. They also want to truly enlighten the submissive in different types of pleasure. They don't always want to harm or hurt their submissive, but nurture them as well. Taking care of them is the overall goal. A lot of Mistresses and Masters enjoy the control they have, sometimes to the point of being possessive. There is a level of control the dominant person must have over themselves as well, so they don't harm their submissive emotionally, physically or psychologically. They want to teach and care for them, not disable them. They want to hear what the submissive likes and dislikes just as much as they want to show the submissive what they like and dislike. It is a truly give and take relationship. There may or may not be psychological issues behind the pleasure of creative pleasurable pain. Also, there is a very romantic side to most dominant people. Pain and restraint is not always the way they show their unique kind of affections.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This type of relationship can get quite intense, from both sides. There is the occasional obsessions that can occur from either side. This is something that has to be watched carefully. If the emotional connection becomes more than the other person wants, it can easily turn negative. If the submissive becomes entranced with the dominant, this can truly push the dominant away or make them unusually aggressive in some cases. If the dominant becomes obsessed with the submissive, they can possibly become too aggressive as well. This is another reason why communication is key between the two parties. Being completely honest about all of the feelings involved is key, just like in any good relationship. It is even more crucial to the success of a dominant/slave relationship.